In one week out of the year I commemorate the loss of my mother and the day that celebrates motherhood. Dayspring cards and assorted self-help types would say "God doesn't give you more than you can handle". I don't believe that to be true. I believe we aren't given more - or don't have more taken from us - than He can handle. And considering the pain and absence from the Father our Christ endured.....well, we don't get anymore than He can handle. And He can handle it all.
Yet I also believe that though we are to be "Joyful always...." there's a reason that in the same phrasing we are admonitioned to "...pray continually". You see, to be always filled with joy, one really must be constantly praying. I pray a lot more during the first week of May.
And joy is not happiness. I can have joy and still feel sadness. This is also something I have come to associate with this first week of May. I am very prepared for my emotions. I don't like them. I may eat too much or not enough. I will get angry and then cry. I will have headaches and gut aches. I may, in the midst of all of this, have a sense of joy. But I'm still sad.
- not like other peoples moms
- she had a laugh we openly mocked
- wise without a college degree
- blatant in her Christianity
- aware of my pains and faults and sorrows....and loved me fully & completely anyway
- a good cook
- not a good baker
- the fastest typist I've ever known
- not a fan of her hair
- a fan of Christian radio (though not the "bee bop stations"), elevator music, me on the organ
- able to fit on a tiny love seat with me and fall asleep
- a supportive wife, a constant mother, a grandmother anyone would want for their children
- chunky until cancer stole the fat
- not a good singer but joined the chuch choir anyway
- loved by all, yet invited to dine with very few
- my BFF